D-day :)

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

It has been 124 days since I got married. It has been a wonderful journey, well there are ups and down as well. But let us just count all of these as blessings. :)

I got married on the 7th day of Raya which is on Saturday Morning. To tell you the truth, weeks before that, I did not feel anything but all I wanted was all of these to be fast forward and ended as soon as possible.

It was really tiring you know, handling all the stuff; caterer, the hantaran, make up arrangement, the dewan, the application, the dress and other stuff. I worked outside of Seremban, and the kenduri was held in Seremban. So most of the time I was not around. So I am only in Seremban during weekends which means banyak office tutup. 

Abah, Mak and Naem yang banyak tolong. Oh, we did a joint kenduri which was a very rational and the best decision that we have ever made. Really. Cost wise, energy wise.

So my in laws settle kan the doorgifts. and a few other things. 

And I'm glad that my husband tak tinggal jauh dari Seremban which make everything easier to handle. Really.

My sister and I did all the hantarans ourselves. Kita puas hati and it's cheaper. Above was one of the dulang. (hantaran is like a gift we give to our partner. Usually, it's given in return with another gift. There's like a specific amount that we have to give. Usually, the bride's side have to give 2 more than the groom's side.)

Eg: 7 - 5

5 - 3

and so on.

I chose my own design of henna. I don't really like the design that covers the whole hands, serabut. Even my mom, dislike it. At first, she questioned the need of me wearing henna but I said, I don't like wearing henna or inai anymore so, let me just wear it this once, on my special day. So, she said yes. I wore it the night before, I asked my high school friend to do it. So it's cheaper. Haha.

The whole week, starting the first day of Raya, I was already on leave. But, honestly, I don't feel anything, no nervousness or anything at all. But I lose my appetite, tremendously. Raya just makam sikit je. Tengok rendang daging paru sedap yang mak buat pun tak berselera sangat.

But on Saturday morning, the MUA that I hired came to my house. She asked whether I was okay or not. I said I'm okay. At that time, I was wearing my baju nikah dah, dah mandi everything, so just tunggu nak dimake up kan and pakai tudung. 

However, by the time she did my eyes, which took the longest time ever, my legs doesn't seem to stay still. The cold room started to feel warm. Oh my god, the feeling that I could not describe until now. 

Months before the special day, we agreed to not contact each other or see each other. So, I was deadly nervous because of the event plus I have to face him. OMG, can you imagine how I was I feeling at that time? I was wearing make up and that doesn't really help. When I stepped in the Masjid Negeri, I felt like all eyes were looking at me. I have no where to look at. Nasib baik, kakak, kak long, and #thejirans were there all along. I saw a glimpse of him at the corner of my eyes. I dare not to even look at him, like seriously. 

I sat beside Mak and Mak Teh on my right. I think at that time, Mak was nervous too. And without realizing it, actually my hands already turned ice cold and started shaking, extremely. Yes, extremely. I am not exaggerating. If you asked my families, they will tell you how bad my nervousness was. Haha. Mak Teh noticed it, so she hold my hands, both of my hands tightly so that it won't be noticeable. 

He sat there, a few steps away from me, looking handsome and calm as ever. *Pengantin Perempuan yang over macam dia yang kene terima akad tu. LOL*

I am aware that the Kadi memang akan tanya soalan dekat Pengantin lelaki usually. Tapi tengah cover nervousness and the shaky and sweaty hands tu, Kadi boleh buat lawak.

" Memandangkan semua dah ada ni. Hmmm, bolehlah saya tanya beberapa soalan dekat Pengantin Perempuan sebelum saya nikahkan kamu berdua."

Ya Allah! Kau rasa? Memang makin menggila degupan jantung ni. No kidding.

Dah lah nervous, apa pun takleh fikir, kang tak boleh jawap soalan ni, tak boleh kahwin nanti macam mana? Dalam kepala dah berpusing jawapan2 common. Rukun Iman, Rukun Islam, Shahadah, Rukun Solat etc. 

"Betul ke, dia ni *tunjuk dekat Afiz*, bakal suami awak?"

Oh My God!

Gelak jelah mampu walaupun dalam hati dah rasa nak menangis. Nasib baik soalan tu. terus laju senyum malu2 sambil angguk.

So after all that, I am officially taken. The wife to Afiz Fazriz and insyaAllah the mother to our children. :)

So, I was supposed to study now actually but got distracted to write an entry. HAHA. I have an exam coming this Saturday. Pray for me, please and thank you!

Anyway. Happy 124th Daysary Sayang! I love you!

Thank you Ras!

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

Ras. Orang kuat di sebalik perhubungan ni. Selalu jadi peneman kalau perlu berjumpa.

Dialah paling semangat, paling emotional, paling happy dan semua pun terpaling when I told her I am finally getting married with him. :)

Seriously, I could not thank her enough for what she have done for me all this while, for us. Can you imagine, dia datang on Friday, the night before my solemnisation, and it's just 1 week past 1st day of Raya. She drove all the way from Perak and on Sunday, Sekolah kat JB dah start. 

Ras, I will pray that you will get a partner/husband/best friend whom are the best for you, the one who understands you and accept you for who you are. The one who will run beside you, to chase for your dreams, together. The one who will make a change in this world, like how you always wanted.

Because Ras, I know you deserves nothing but the best from Him. May Allah showers you with blessings and may all your dreams come true.

I love you, always.

Appreciation post

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

Klebang Date

 

The mandatory pose. Lols

Mrs Fazriz

Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alaa kulli haal.

July 1, 2017.

Officially a wife to Mr Afiz Fazriz Azizi.

Tick tock.

50 days

.

This was one year ago? Seriously?

And i have been in the working life for half a year already? Wow!

Anyway, happy graduation CycloneGrad!

I miss Ames by the way, badly.

Being someone who actually have a hard time in conveying the feelings especially frustration and anger, hurts.

Because i tend to keep it to myself and when it becomes unbearable, i'll just cry while talking to someone about it. But lately i have develop a contradict action which is suppressing my needs to cry.

And also, i am trapped in a confined space for almost all day long. Office, my room, my car. The only time i get to breathe the fresh air is when i went out to buy my lunch, or walk from my car to the office as well as walk from my car to my house. Oh, when i opened the door for touchngo.

So basically, i'm so messed up inside but no one can actually see it or sensed it. Am i really belong somewhere? Will i ever feel belong anywhere? *aside from my family of course*

I just hope, HR will decline their request for the extension and just transfer me already. I have had enough.

Sometimes, all i need is for someone to listen to me, and just be there. Tell me that eventually everything will be okay and it's actually okay to cry.

All in all, because of all this i'm facing inside me, people always take advantage of me. Just because "she has a soft voice" and "sopan".

But people, please. That doesn't mean i don't have feelings. 

Hi. 

Rambling

I live alone in this house. Well, honestly it's not that bad. It's just that, sometimes you'll feel a bit lonely.

Because you have no one to talk to. In the office, most of the time, i'll just sit at my place and do my job quietly. And from time to time, i would talk to someone whom i have to talk to, for example, my mentor or the clerk who helps me in doing letters.

So i noticed,i became a much more quiet person. And when i'm home, i talked to myself, a lot. Or maybe talk to the character of the video that i am watching. So sometimes, when i go back to my hometown, i'll be talkative especially with my brother. But sometimes i'm worried if he'll get bored with me. But who cares, i'll just talk to him.

And so, someone once told me that anything you do, you have to make sure that you realized that you are the one who make that decision. So, stays alone in this house, is actually my choice. I should not blame others and mengeluh. Because it's me who made that decision. 

But me being me, can you just pretend like I have never typed anything about being lonely for just once?

Rindu

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

When i was still in the plane, heading to Madinah. I could not believe it myself that I'm on my way to Madinah. Rasa tak layak. Rasa dosa masih macam pasir2 kat pantai. 

The moment I saw the glimpse of Masjid Nabawi, sebak. I choked. I told myself, I wanted to go to Masjid Nabawi malam tu jugak. Pergi sorang pun takpe. I don't mind. I miss a place that I have never visited before, is that even possible?

Walaupun tak boleh masuk, since it's already passed 10 p.m, and they already closed the door. I prayed beside one of the doors. I could not describe this feelings. The feeling of calmness. Hiba. Rasa nak kutuk diri sendiri atas segala dosa2 yang pernah dilakukan. Rasa bahagia. Sebak. Memang automatically air mata tak boleh nak tahan. 

Although tempat tu a bit chaos with children running around and laughed but nothing beats that feeling of serenity I felt that time.

The next day, Ustazah brought us to visit Prophet Muhammad s.a.w., masa ramai2 berpusu menuju ke raudhah, rasa sebak. Sebab tak percaya yang i'm getting closer to a place where jasad kekasih Allah di kebumikan. 

Sungguh, masa menunggu giliran nak masuk raudah, rasa rindu tu menggunung. Teringat balik semua cerita2 tentang Rasulullah, para sahabat. Bila kubah hijau jelas dalam pandangan, salam diberikan dan semua salam yang dikirimkan disampaikan satu persatu. Sebak. Teringat jugak sahabat nabi, Saidina Abu Bakar dan Saidina Umar. Sebak.

Melangkah sahaja setapak di atas permaidani hijau, walaupun hiruk pikuk tempat tu dengan pelbagai bahasa meminta diberi laluan, rasa tenang. Salah satu tempat mustajab untuk berdoa. Kalau aku diberi rezeki, kalau bisa, teringin untuk bertafakur dan beristighfar lebih lama di Raudhah. Sungguh.

Sungguh, walaupun ketika baru sahaja naik ke atas bas, untuk menuju ke Mekah, rasa rindu terhadap Rasulullah, para sahabat dan Masjid Nabawi sudah pun menggunung. 

Doakan, semoga Nurazira binti Abd Ghani dimurahkan rezeki untuk menunaikan umrah mahupun haji lagi ketika masih mampu, fizikal, mental dan kewangan. Amin!

Mekah & Madinah

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

It was an amazing experience. Indescribable. 

And I miss Madinah and Mekah.

Sebab rindu Madinah. Rindu Rasulullah. Rindu masjid Nabawi.

Bring me back to the Holy Land, please~